I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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