Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
