Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
