I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my shit smells like andre
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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