Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
