Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
