No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
