THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
