I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
