:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
