This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He shit in the fireplace
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
