I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
