When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
