Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
