I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I will be naked everywhere
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
