How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
