you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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