We won't sleep together?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
