I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
