I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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