It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
