cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
