he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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