considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
