if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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