Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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