Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
