yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
