If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
