Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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