just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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