we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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