you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
