just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
