Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
