Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
