How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
