Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
