He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
bring money and cleavage
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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