a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
