my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
