Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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