Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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