Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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