How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
