okay pat passed out under dana's car
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
