You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
