They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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