; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
