I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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