forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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