He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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