i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
